Posted by Mrs Joyce Hoover Tue, June 05, 2012 09:04AM
I’ve got 300 metres of best Poundland bunting, 150 union jack paper plates and cups, bendy plastic straws in red, white and blue, plastic forks and spoons (that are not bendy), royal doilies, loyal streamers, giant party poppers (plus one giant party pooper, which is my husband, Leslie!), Engelbert Humperdink horror masks for the grandchildren, not to mention a selection of hand-held flags to wave. (There – I have mentioned them, and I just said not to!)
What’s more, I’ve got enough Best of Both (medium) and ‘basics’ range sliced ham to feed the whole of East Sussex. Thank goodness the other ladies from the Hove Hanging Basket & Loose Cover Society have rallied round to help with buttering and cucumber-slicing duties. Mrs Baker, typically, has gone off at a tangent with a hare-brained scheme to make a life-sized effigy of Her Majesty the Queen and Prince Philip in raspberry jelly.
What a spectacle that’s going to be! Her and her three sons (by different fathers) trying to carry it to the street party, having been in the pub all morning, no doubt. They’ll be wobbly enough already, without the jelly to cope with! It’ll be a miracle if they get it onto a trestle table without decapitating the royal pair on the bunting. And as I said to Mr Partlett at number181: It’s a health and safety nightmare: if this heatwave continues we could have a river of red running down the middle of Davigdor Road!